Brenda Schinke

Whether you answer a phone call or schedule some time to share with someone, be it a cup of coffee or even a date, how do you prepare to be with someone? I find the times that I actually focus on my outcome for connecting with an individual or a group I definitely get a different result.

People talk about not having enough time, yet they spend time with friends and family and go on autopilot. So why are you wasting precious time? Why does anybody? Enjoy the time you have chosen to share with someone.

1) Decide on the outcome for your interaction. (ex: Make someone feel special; share your world with them; catch up on your day both good and not-so-good)

2) Put aside everything on your mind and be with the individual(s). This may mean you make a list of what’s on your mind so you know you can come back to it after your connection time.

3) Pull yourself together and be present. Take everything one day at a time; one hour at a time; minute by minute. Time, like life, is precious.

Until next time,
Brenda
 

Simple quotes take up so little space yet they say so much.

One of Carl Jung’s quotes “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” Another way I have heard this said is “When you point a finger at someone your other three fingers are pointing back at you.”

I have found the statements above to be frustrating albeit true. If I have upset with someone (I am now pointing a finger) and I look at what the upset is and how I played a role in the upset I see (three fingers pointing back at me) that my real upset is not with them but with myself. Usually, I find I could have done something different; said/and or not said something; or I had an unexpected expectation from that individual. What I mean by the last statement is I expected them to say or perform in a certain way; however, I never had that communication with them.

The great thing about this is that I have minimized my upset by being accountable for the situation.

1)    Think of a time (either current or past) where you have been in upset with someone.
2)    What did you believe they did to cause your upset?
3)    What will you do differently in the future?
4)    How do you feel differently about the situation?

Until Next Time,
Brenda

“What I expect from my male friends is that they are polite and clean. What I expect from my female friends is unconditional love, the ability to finish my sentences for me when I am sobbing, a complete and total willingness to pour out their hearts to me, and the ability to tell me why the meat thermometer isn’t supposed to touch the bone." Anna Quindlen, Living Out Loud

If I were you, I would send this quote to all the guys and girls you love that make a difference in your life.  This is how I feel at this time in my life as I go through yet another transition.  This is the time I LOVE my girl friends; those that are there just to listen and be.  This is the time I also love my guy friends; those that are there not to fix or make it better but just to watch the beauty of the ever-changing female state. 

I believe guys think girls are always in an emotional state.  They are right.  We are happy, sad, confused, overwhelmed, peaceful, centered, calm, wacky, etc. all in a day’s work. Remember, peace, tranquility, angst, upset, etc. all have their appropriate time and space in our life if not overused.  Love and be loved. 

Until next time,

Brenda

Below is a great piece written by Matthew Ottenberg and was sent out in the April Newsletter of the Oneness North America Organization.

“Spring has finally arrived. It is a time of awakening, of new beginnings. All of nature bursts forth with tremendous growth. For something new to grow, the old has to give way. As we look at the world situation, we can see that many of the old structures are beginning to crumble. We look for change, for something that will support greater harmony and cooperation among the family of man.

Internally we also look for change, for a giving way of old patterns and conditioning, for a breakthrough into a higher consciousness, a more joyful existence. Whenever we are in the process of experiencing whatever is there in the moment, we have the hope that we will move past it into something beautiful. The mind imagines the breakthrough and the heightened sense of joy that will come. All of that activity is actually moving us away from the experience itself.  We need to realize that there is no point in focusing on the future.  We cannot visualize bliss, what it will be, what it will feel like.  That is just moving us away from the experience.

Just see and be in the condition of the moment. Watch how the mind is trying to shake off the experience. If we can do this, just sink into the experience, whatever it is, the breakthrough will come. The breakthrough is right now, not in the future. Being able to stay in the experience IS the breakthrough we are seeking.”      
http://onenessusa.org
Matthew Ottenberg

I love the coming of spring.  Flowers peeking out of the snow reward those of us who see them as knowing that spring is literally just around the corner.  Love is in the air; nature starts to wake up and it appears even people look up and smile more.  I love it.  As much as I adore the contentment of winter I love spring too.  In fact if I were to be totally truthful with you I love nature in general.

Spring brings a time of renewal; a fresh start; old things are gone; it’s a fresh new beginning.  If you are currently in a relationship what is one thing you could let go of from last year that no longer enhances your relationship.  If you are looking to be in a new relationship what is one belief that you will add to your “formula for success” in meeting that special individual.  And if you were to look inwards at your relationship with self again, what is one thing you will do for you to have a Fresh Start?

Until Next Time,
Brenda

I always encourage my clients to schedule a weekly meeting with their significant other outside of their residence.  Any type of public place will work (a restaurant, library, coffee shop, etc.)  The reason for the public place is we tend to be conscious of our behavior, the tone of our voice and also on our best behavior.

This meeting should be scheduled for one hour.  During this hour you can bring up any negative things that occurred during the week and also any “hot” issues.  The last ten minutes of the meeting are reserved for something fun.  Ideally, try to make it the same day of the week at the same restaurant.

A dear friend of mine added to what I was already recommending and I think this makes the meeting even better.

1)    Understand that this conversation is one of many conversations; realize that this is a part of series, of conversations; nothing is forever.
2)    You never say “No”. Say maybe, later, I am going to think about this, let’s discuss it more at this time, I’m not excited about … and I’ll think about it some more.
3)    Always help the other person save face; always find something redeeming about the other person’s point of view.

Some helpful tips:

1)    Practice being present and really listen.
2)    Seek to understand before being understood.
3)    Be inquisitive by asking why, when did that happen, what makes you think that, tell me more about that.
4)    Work at overlooking each other’s idiosyncrasies.

Until next time,

Brenda

From the Ladies Home Journal Website, 1/9/06

Until next time,
Brenda